'The Birds' remake — scary for all the wrong reasons

Naomi Watts
in 'The Ring'Peck my eyes out, please.

I can’t stand to see another Hitchcock classic pointlessly remade. Gus Van Sant’s “Psycho” remake nearly did me in.

And it seems a long-rumored remake of “The Birds” is more than just a bad dream. Naomi Watts has confirmed she's attached to star in it. “Casino Royale” director Martin Campbell is in talks to direct it, according to Variety.

Platinum Dunes, a company co-owned by “Transformers” director Michael Bay, is producing the remake for Universal Studios.

Don't get me wrong. I loved “Transformers” and Michael Bay is an awesome action director. But Platinum Dunes has a history of churning out uninspired remakes of classic horror flicks: “The Amityville Horror,” “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” and “The Hitcher” were all ghosts of their original selves.

There are three glimmers of hope, however. Variety reports “The Birds” remake will be based directly on Daphne Du Maurier’s original short story.

Her story, inspired by the terror of the WWII Axis bombing raids over London, was quite different from Hitchcock’s film version. For starters, it’s set in England, and it shares none of the characters of Hitchcock’s film. Well, unless you count the titular birds.

Another sorta good thing: Naomi Watts. The gifted and glamorous Watts is the equal of any of the classic Hitchcock blondes. Her performances in the remakes of both “The Ring” and “King Kong” made them watchable.

Glimmer of Hope Number Three: Martin Campbell is an awesome director.

Maybe — just maybe — this new take on “The Birds” won't be totally awful. So, until further notice, I guess you can leave my eyeballs intact.

(Jorge Sosa is a staff writer for the Hutchinson Leader. He can be reached at sosa@hutchinsonleader.com)